Wellness Wednesday – Truth in Relationships

As you work to build your relationship with your special needs child, or any child, take time to consider the value of honesty. If you consistently choose to demonstrate candor in your communications, your youngster will be motivated to follow your example and be frank with you.

There should be some limits to your veracity, however. Don’t use honesty as an excuse to destroy self-esteem and keep adult business between the parents.

Brutal honesty can brutalize your relationship. Try giving criticism in what I call a “praise sandwich”. For example, if your child did poorly on a school assignment, thank him for being honest about his grades. Then, explain how his performance did not meet your family standard. Finally, recognize something else he has done well in school. This way, the understanding is that the actions were unacceptable, but your son is still loved.

There are some things that should not be shared with children. They don’t need to worry about financial matters. How much you despise your ex-spouse is another piece of information you need to keep to yourself. Find a friend or trusted relative for these types of communications. Let the kids be kids.

Kelly P. Crossing is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Texas who also does online therapy. She stated, “Dishonesty destroys trust between two people. Without trust there is no connection.” Using appropriate straightforwardness with your offspring will bring you closer together for a lifetime. 

How do you keep your relationships honest? Leave a comment here for a chance to win a $25 Amazon gift card!
 

Wellness Wednesday - Building Relationships

We've been working on things that make you happier and calmer. We can't be happy or calm if those around us are neither. Let's try something to build positive relationships.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about the people I love to be around. Why is everyone so eager to be around them? I'm not talking about the type of popularity you see in high school, but personalities that make others happy.

I think the first thing is that they're friendly. They act genuinely pleased to see you. How can we do this for others? Recognition.

Begin by greeting everyone who comes into your presence. Even if you've already acknowledged them that day, take time to recognize them each time they appear. Say something, look them in the eyes, nod. The point is to do something.

Then take the time to really listen. Turn towards them, make eye contact, and repeat back a short summary of what they've said. If you're pressed for time, let them know that you're interested in what they have to say, promise to get back with them later, then do so.

Next Tuesday, take time to look at the people around you. Are they acting any differently?

My adult children often accuse me of not listening. They're right. I'm often focused on other things. I'll see them this weekend, and make an effort to really acknowledge them and listen. We'll see what happens.

Leave a comment for an entry in the $25 Amazon gift card drawing at the end of February.

Honestly!

Honesty is the best policy. Not only morally best, but also best for our health and relationships. Think about how you feel when you tell a lie--no matter how small. Try to remember how hurt you were when finding out someone had lied to you. Do you tend to avoid those who lie on a regular basis? I do.

 A new study from the University of Notre Dame revealed that the average American lies 11 times each week. Think about that. It's an average, meaning some tell fewer, and others more . . . possibly many more. If you were to track your lies, where would you fall? Would the answer make you feel uncomfortable? How many lies each week would be acceptable to you?

The researchers had adults and college students track their weekly lies, and discovered that telling fewer lies can improve our health.

Those who reduced their "white" lies by 3 per week had better physical and mental health. This was also true for "major" lies. This puts to rest the saying that "white" lies are harmless.

Study participants who told fewer lies also reported better personal relationships and smoother interactions with others. These improved connections may account for the enhanced relationships.

The good news is that we can all do this. Those in the study made conscious decisions not to exaggerate or make false excuses for incomplete tasks. Others responded to awkward questions by asking another question as a distraction.

Whether you're motivated by better health or doing it for your friends and family, it's the right thing to do. Let's all give it a shot. I'm going to start right now.

Thoughts from the First Day of School

Today was the first day of school in my district, as in many others. Adults flash back to memorable first days, anticipate the same for their children, and worry about what might be.

This flood of conflicting emotions often boils over. When it does, school staff members are often the ones burned.

A few reminders to keep in mind during this school year:

• Educators do not go into the field for money or glory. There isn't any. They do it for the kids.
• School staff members are not perfect. We make mistakes, as do you. Let's forgive each other and move on.
• We probably don't know what made you unhappy at your last school, and don't appreciate being held responsible for things outside our control.
• People who work in schools want the best outcome for all students. We don't want children to be unsuccessful.
• Many teachers act as surrogate parents, purchasing clothing and school supplies, giving guidance, and watching children when their families are delayed after school.
• We just want a chance to do the best we can. Please give it to us.

How's this for a proposal: Let's look for the best in each other and work together for the sake of your child. Please leave a positive comment!