Why Your Child Needs Social Skills

When working with a youngster with special needs, it can seem like there are so many demands--medical and therapy appointments, academic remediation, and behavior modification that it's impossible get everything done. One area that often falls through the cracks is social skills.

It's easy to overlook social skills--they may not seem of critical importance compared to other struggles. But they should not be neglected, as they become vitally important later in life. Social skills are required

• to make and keep friends.
• to participate in social activities with family, friends, and church members. 
• to be successful in a classroom, especially when the focus is now on group work. 
• to function in the school cafeteria, on the playground and in many elective classes. 
• to be on a sports team or in a performing group such as the band. 
• to find and keep a job. 
• to go on a proselyting or service mission.
• to date and get married. 

I've found that those children who are relatively high-functioning are often the ones with the most glaring problems in this area. Manners and courtesy must be addressed from an early age or these children will not develop the critical skills needed during the teen years. 

How have you been developing your child's social skills?

Generalization of Skills - Can They Do It?

Over the course of a student evaluation, I often get information from parents and teachers about what a child can and cannot do. This data may cover academic abilities, or life skills such as independent dressing, social skills, or safety information. Sometimes it's difficult to get a good picture of what the child has actually accomplished.

Gathering your own information (or to share with others):
The child can do the task, such as making a bed, if it is done independently without reminders. If you have to give prompts, indicate how many times, or if you need to supervise or help with the chore. Don't guess--if you haven't seen it happen, we need to assume that's an area of need.

How can you tell if the youngster has something mastered? We look for skill generalization. In other words, can the same task be accomplished in multiple environments?

For example, a young man with an autism spectrum disorder recently wanted to make a request of me. He approached me, shook my hand, and made his request in an impressively polite manner. He gave very good reasons for the expression of his need, and thanked me for my time. I would say that teen has mastered greetings, self-advocacy, and conversational skills. He did this independently without prompting.

Another young lady can greet others appropriately in the school setting, but requires prompts in other areas. She has not yet mastered this skill, but prompts can be removed, or faded, over time to increase her independence.

Try tracking some basic life skills, including social skills, to celebrate accomplishments and identify areas of need. You can find a list of age-appropriate behaviors here.

Fiction - The Key to Understanding Others...and Changing Yourself

According to "In the Minds of Others", an article by Keith Oatley in Scientific American Mind, reading fiction is entertaining. It provides an escape from your problems. But can it really help you psychologically?
Fiction can help improve your relationships with others. It can also change your personality and impact the happiness of your life.

When you read about the lives of others, including what they are thinking, helps you understand them. This allows you to build empathy and see another point of view. Computer programs use sophisticated technology to allow you to experience another world. Readers have done this for centuries.

The socially-withdrawn bookworm is a sterotype that still exists. But a study done in Toronto found that those who read the most fiction were better at recognizing emotions and interpreting social cues. Other studies revealed that reading fiction helped people solve logic problems or draw conclusions about social situations. The improvement was seen after as little as an hour of reading. On the other hand, children who watched many hours of television were less able to understand others.

People who read fiction on a regular basis also had better social connections than those who confined themselves to nonfiction. Your "sense of self" is also changed as you are more likely to become more open and perceptive about fellow humans.

Why all the benefits? The source is the emotional connection between the reader and the characters. This allows us to picture ourselves as part of the story, experiencing aspects of the plotline.  Brain imaging studies reveal that when you read about a character sitting on a chair, for example, the reader's brain lights up as if he or she were performing the action. In short, we virtually live through good fiction. While we experience our own emotions in reaction to events, we are still tied to the story.

The takeaway? Get off the computer and go read a good book.

What Makes a Bully?

Bullying is a hot topic right now. One thing that is in hot debate is what constitutes bullying. Experts state that bullying can be divided into three categories, including physical, verbal, and relationship.

Physical bullying can mean physically harming someone, or threatening to hurt them. It also includes taking or damaging the property of someone else. Forcing a person to do something against their will also falls into this category.

Verbal bullying can include anything from name-calling to teasing or insulting someone.

Relationship bullying takes place when one person refuses to talk to another or spreads lies or rumors about them.

One important part of deciding whether or not the actions of another are bullying is time. Incidents that happen once are unpleasant, but not bullying. Events must happen again and again over a long period of time to really be bullying.

Why do bullies do what they do? Power. If they can intimidate someone, they have control over them.

Watch this space soon for information about what do do about bullies.

Respect

I've been thinking about respect lately. How do we develop respect for others, demonstrate that respect, and get others to respect us.

Certain professions naturally garner respect. Most people seem to respect doctors and other professions that are highly paid. Others respect those with high positions in society.

What is worthy of your respect? Wealth can disappear, as can privileges and placement. It's difficult to respect intangible things such as honor and valor.

I choose to respect people and organizations who demonstrate ethics and principles I admire.

How do you demonstrate your respect? I find the best ways to show respect is to listen and demonstrate common courtesy.

Commanding respect is another matter. I don't believe respect can be commanded at all. It may be earned through courteous behavior and outward demonstrations of inward beliefs. If you behave in a respectful manner, I believe others will usually treat you with respect.

During the past few days, many have treated me disrespectfully. I hope to encourage better behavior by setting a good example. If this is unsuccessful, I hope to explain things to the rest.